ESCAPING THE HOSTILITY TRAP

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 03:15:52 GMT

holy balls batman!

I had a Dream...

Fri, 13 May 2005 13:48:17 GMT

I had a dream, that all the children were happy. we layed in a big pile of people on the floor, and it was comfy. we danced and sang and took care of each other.and water was in an abumndace everywhere. and everyone was happy.
We were underground. we were in a leaky cave. it had beautiful lights and crystals forming everywhere. steam rose from the floor in spots and the ground was warm. This marvelous cave was damp and humid. glitter fell from the top of the cave and happy hardcore echoed throughout. And everyone was happy.
and all the children had crayons, which they could color anything they wanted, anything that came to mind on the walls of the cave. And no one was cold, or sad or lonely or sick. they were all happy.
everyone had the most beautiful hair in the world. anywhere you went, a kid would compliment you on your beautiful lusicous locks of color. and everyone was happy. and we were all just normal kids, who felt like superheroes for the night. and we were all happy.

why does this always happen

Fri, 13 May 2005 03:49:02 GMT

susan says my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. but, the ones i want to come to my yard, eaither never come, or they look over the fence and think AW SHIT THATS SICK AS HELL! (in a bad way) and run away. far away.
so. i need to find someone else to like! asap! or jsut a new drug of choice.

wow. i want to call up scoot! and make him cheat on his girlfriend. haha! that would be somehting to find out. While your pregnate, your boyfriend who apparently LOVES you is off fucking his ex girlfriend who isnt stupid enough to get pregnate. haha.

HEROIN

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 03:23:54 GMT

wow! this is amazing.

fuckers. no im not doing heroin. but i am talking about people who are heroin to me.
cough cough *scott* cough

crazy as it has been, the bastard did call me.
yes yes i know, WHOOPIE! it will work out again maybe. maybe if you lost 20 lbs and grew bigger boobs. yeah. then maybe he would stay with you forever.
deep down, i was excited. and happy. and scared. and nervous and intimidated.

and i was happy. it seemed like he was the same ol' scoot boot. as flirty and funny as usual.
until he told me his PROBLEMS!
and mentioned how hes gonna be a DADDY!

yeah!
he knocked the bitch up.
i guess she did win. but in the end did she really? did she really win? congradulations! you just won yourself a baby! and your life to go DOWN THE SHITTER.
i hope your grown up now, for your childs sake.

so it was kinda like telling me, YOU AND ME WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER AGAIN. I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY. AND GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END. and not to mention, fight. ALL the time. and kill their baby because they both will be terrible parents.

everyones right, they both are trailor trash.

i think im going to cry.
not cry because of him, but cry in the realization of the scott i once knew is gone. he doesnt exist anymore.
its like, deep down in my heart he always has been there. even when i was with paul and with anyone else. hes always been there and ive always thought about him.

and im fucking pissed at alex for telling libby that i secretly hate her some times. acctually most of the time. and shes flipping out at me for it. and the more she talks, the more i just want to scream at her. or run away. or just go die.
she can have my friends. she can have my life. but before that im just going to go jump off a building or something. or how bout put a bullet in my head?

am i being over dramatic? because this really does hurt.

i need a new outlook on life. how about. i need more shrooms. or something. or how about something so bad that its life altering.

i wish i could elaborate.

HEY! FUCK YOU!

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 18:45:35 GMT

so i love how my friends talk massive shit about me behind my back, but are the nicest people ever to my face.

so whats it gonna be?

and why is it that the people i like, dont want to date me. ever!
they just want to fuck me. and acctually have a relationship with the person they are cheating on with me, or dumped to get on me, or just happend to have broken up and now sees me sometimes. to have some *good loving friend sex* well fuck this!

i havent felt this abandoned in FOREVER.

and it just hasnt been getting any better.

you know who you are. so if your going to do any of the above (mostly the first thing i had to say) then you should go fuck yourself for pretending to be my friend. and then after that you should ask yourselves why you have to pretend and then never talk to me again.
if you have a problem with me, please. take up the problem(s) with me so i can eaither fix it, or we can come to an agreement.
but if your going to sit and bitch about me to my other friends, when they dont want to hear it then you can go suck a fat cock.
oh. and lieing to me, and saying that these people find me weird or creepy just doesnt work. clearly because i do talk to them. and reliable sources say they all find me normal, and fun. so FUCK YOU!
thanks!
Love, Brandi

jesus chirst almighty.

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 05:18:50 GMT

its so awesome that you came here. i want to give you some drugs and i hope that you like them, baby. cause it aint no light weight.
pussy all night. come on get some.

i HATE my life.

YES I LIVE IN BUTTFUCK, WISCONSIN

but its time to LEAVE.

Kids Are Dumb

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 15:20:47 GMT

i really, really dislike people lately.
and all i want to do is go beat someone (not naming who) up
the amount of MAD i feeel is INDESCRIBABLE.

fuckers.

but im not going to be that kind of a person. just because i know that i cant be like that because ive witnessed it before.
whatever. its not like shes afraid of me. im more afraid of her than anyone.

ASGJDFKSH!!

and i just found out, manson is not the headliner at ozzfest this year. DAMNIT. i hate this day.

god damnit! i want to get drunk, and go to the boonies and beat the living shit out of everyone. finally. for once.

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 19:12:03 GMT

and not only do i have to pee SOOOO----->O bad,

there are 50 billion people in both bathrooms and i tried to kick them out but they LAUGH at me! FUCKERS!

This is NOT a GRAB AND GO

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 19:10:19 GMT

MAN OH MAN!

wo****ts clearly time to start watching what your wearing, and what your saying, when little kids slam you up against your locker and proceed to try to make out **th you!

yes! has the world really accumulated to this? little boys grab my ass, escourt me to classes, poke my boobs, give me back massages, and try to make out **th me in the hallways at my own school.

its sad how despirate people have gotten. really! yes, I myself, am despirate. but not to an extent of molesting the guys i want to get down my pants!
or skirt. hah

regardless, boys should know these days. if you want to get a girl to touch your peepee, you should COMPLIMENT her first. compliments stay **th me all day. even though i dont believe them most of the time, it **ll be a better impression than pinning me up against my locker and shoving your groin into mine. all i got out of it was "whoa. what! likes to domminate, or just plain CREEPY?"
i'll take it as the creepy side.

not only that, but then there are the guys who are just MEAN! they're assholes for no reason. is it cause you dont get laid? or is it beccause just being around me repulses you?
dickheads!

DumBfucKed

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 05:08:46 GMT

ok stop me if im wrong but..

i feel like shit. complete shit.

it seems to me, as if my friends, dont even want to be my friend anymore.
i've just been getting the feeling of like ive been shunned. like ive been worn out this summer and no***m just annoying. and hanging around for no reason. as if ive been walking around on glass or paper, waiting to fall through.

first of all, i think katie has grown a grudge against me. i dont know why! but i can sense it in her voice and her actions. like the way she looks at me now. before she would look at me like.. a best friend would, no***t feels like she looks at me **th disbelief or just a *what the fuck* kind of face. and uses a different tone of voice. she never calls me anymore. never wants me to play **th her and seems mad at me for everything.
i feel, lost **thout her. like, i dont know whats going on anymore. because if i lost her, i would be lost.

angie doesnt call me too often anymore, and i never see sammi cause shes **th stacy. libby is always up for hanging out. but thats when she wants to get some buddah.
mouch.

erg. anyways, im done **th this rant. maybe i'll write more toamrrow during school. yeah. we're going to the libhrary! whoopie!

LASKJDFLKJSAF! and nobody gives me any support on my obsession! im serious here guys! it means so much to me.

wo*** sound like such an ass.

ROAD RAGE

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 15:20:44 GMT

i just washed the puke off of my shoe from Samantha from a long time ago. ew.
the entire time i was thinking, oh my god. i'm cleaning my friend's puke, AGAIN!

oh well. anyways, so a couple days ago i was driving down pilgrim rd. and 3 little boys were walking down the side of the road, first of all on the wrong side but what really made me sick to my stomach was they had to have been only 13 years old and its 30 degrees outside and they are walking around with no shirts on! No joke! im thinking, "are you DUMB?"
but i didnt say anything, uintil i realized they were white as a bitch, preppy-hippies and no defined chest muscles or stomach muscles or anything. But what got my goat was the fact that this one kid who was walking in the street's boxer's were up to his nipples and his pants were at his fucking knees. seriously, i wont give a shit how gangster you think you are with your spaceman boxers out for the world to see. and you definatley need to pull up your pants! Oh man! he looked like he was in pain, but to look cool he kept his shirts off and boxers pulled up his ass and pants around his ankels.
so i rolled down the window and screamed PULL UP YOUR PANTS!
and he screamed back DONT TALK TO ME GOTHIC WHORE
then i was mad. i was looking out for this child's well being. he could have been SHOT by a passing through black person because his spaceman boxers were too much to handle.
so i ran him over. and his other friends. and took the one kid who was wearing his clothes, to mcdonalds and fed him a double cheeseburger, then proceeded to roll him down the hill.

jesus! i cant stand people these days
and the love of my life is talking about how he doesnt like nipple piercings. that bastard

TRIPP TAYLOR WILL BE MY SEX GOD

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 03:58:35 GMT

oh man. i am listening to the love of my life's band. for the first time. and he is teh singer. and his voice, makes me orgasm. i think im going to cry. im serious. im almost in tears. is that weird? yes.
SOURpuppet
haaah.

its DEEP! and MATURE! whooooha! im afraid that when i acctually talk to him, in person i might die of an orgasm overdose because his voice will be too overpowerinly sexy for me to handle. fuck.

ok now i just heard a song by his band and he stole the bass lines from slipknot. TOTALLY STOLE IT FROM SPIT. not even kidding. just the tempo is slowed.

whatever. on to another subject than my obsession.
so debby wants me to go to madison with her to meet this guy i should go to senior ball with. meh. alex kain said he'd go with me, and so did some other people.. but you know what. THEY ARENT SCOTT.
or Tripp Taylor. oh wait, that is clearly a stage name. i found out his real name. its matthew johnston. HAH! i found out your real name bitch!

im sucha little girl! im waiting for prince charming to come to my door.

I WANT TRIPP TAYLOR I WANT TRIPP TAYLOR.
holy man i hope no one reads this. like. somehow it gets back to him and then my master plan will be FOILED!

WE WILL ALL BE CURSED!

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 19:47:07 GMT

im gonna sign your pitty on the runny kine

tru dat

whatever. a leage of their own has been playing on HBO ALL THE TIME>
jesus. why isnt pootie tang always on? holy man. that reminds me of kung pow. i havent watched that movie, since.. since paul.
i think its time to watch kung pow. lmao.
ew that was so long ago.

I WISH I WAS A SPICE GIRL. or just hillary duff's girlfriend. haah! i would totally turn lesbian for her. is she wanted the cooch, i would be all over that. in a minuet.

i need some more material for clothing making! GIMME THE DENIM! I NEEDS NEW JEANS! FUCKERS! and a skirt. or two. and other things.

just call me kickin wing! or kickin ass! im doing superbly this semester (SURPRISE!) im not even getting a C!
weird.

ok, so i am watching Kung Pow now. i love this movie. so dumb, but so.. funny. to geek out to. haah. with taco bell. im sucha loser. OH MAN! SuperTroopers.
enough said
oh wait. a good one is kissing jessica stein. its so cute! and But im a Cheerleader! AWWW!
makes me happy. to be. a girl.

so whos going to take me to senior ball/be my escourt? i'll have pink hair and a plaid dress.
and ecstacy. debby is trying to get me to go with this one guy, but idk. i'm as deep as a puddle, i'd have to see him first. or meet him. yeah. i dont want to go with a pretty asshole.
lmao. especially one who wont roll. or dance. BITCHES YOU GOTS TA DANCE. dance like you've never danced before! SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER! or a jello jiggler. whoa do you remeber jello jigglers? ITS ALIVE! WOO!

OPEN DA MOUTH!

wee. i have nothing to say anymore.
oh my mom got me soem weird poetry entry forms for the wisconsin poetry contest. ODD
i think i'll do it. for shits and giggles.

WOW i want taco bell reallllly bad.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 06:21:52 GMT

im so strung out, but crashing and bleh blah blah.
i can think logically, but not really.

WOOP.
whats going on here now. you freaks!
uhg i'll write later. this is dumb.
i cannot dooo it.

i'll take you to the candy shop

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 04:39:47 GMT

no. IM the biggest loser on the block..
i just found my future husbands address, in michigan
and i yahoo driving direction-ed his address to mine.
it takes approximately 6 hours and 25 min to get from my house in brookfield to his house in michigan. going the speed limit. *ponders*
NO BAD IDEA!
aww fun idea. road trip next weeeekend!
HAAH!
who wants to drive to michigan and stay in a hotel and see dope in concert and help brandi get the love of her life to acctually know she exists??
I DO I DO!

i would make lots and lots of PBand J Samitches.
^_________^
and bring some sooooooda! and lots of herb
hahhh

i. totally. want. to go.
and if i knew i was acctually going to go, i would stop the eating process now, so i could get uber skinny by then.

shit angies b day is soooon and i gots ta figure out what to get her. hmm.

so my dad totally busted me out for smoking pot. he like.knows
and laughed about it.
weirdo. lmao.
thanks for the permission to smoke up alll deh time now.
yall don kno bout MARY JAAAAAANNNEE.

v day is dumb.
and it should just. go to hell.
HAPPY SINGLES AWARENESS DAY! as kiki would say.
im going to miss her.
she leaves on friday.

i made out with her last weekend on friday when i got drunk.
that was bad news.
i think i fucked areound with all the girls there.
and the guys.
and whatnot.
mother of HELL
and i went to the polar plundge yesturday!

that was friggin cold.
i was dumb and went in a t shirt. with no bra and my care bears skirt.
haaah.
everyone esle was SMART and went in swim suits.
so the coldness doesnt stick to your body.

wow. the announcer was like. "SOMEONES GOT SOME PIERCINGS!" when i got out. i was disgusted. and i ran for my towel. like a kid running to mickey mouse in disney world.

bleh.
but otherwise. i guess everythings going alrite.

saturday i had. the.worst.hangover. ive ever had. in my entire life
ive never expiereanced something so horrid.
NEVER AGAIN WILL I DRINK FLEISCHMANNS!
FUCK THAT SHIT!

anyways, back to new business.. WHO WANTS TO GO TO MICHIGAN!

holy shit my brother just got a rub on tattoo and the first thing i thought was ACID! YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO LICK THE RUB ON TATTOOOOS YOU FUCKER!

dont fret precious im here, step away from the window and go back to sleep

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 04:33:32 GMT

uhg. this entire weekend has just. been oddly amusing to be doing something out of the ordinary, but scary.

and now im sulking. yep. sitting in a great mound of feeling like shit.
my dad got me a rainbow brite doll and a pack of gum for V day. how sweet.

what if i was blonde! whenever i look at rainbow brite i think of how pretty blonde hair would be.
would i look like a weirdo, with blonde hair? uh yes.

people are so ignorant.
go back to sleeep!

i wish i acctually had something to look forward to. i have NOTHING!
why continue on this everlasting bullshit. i lie to myself too much.

ALSKFJ:LKJdf! ROAR! my MADDNESS is arisinG! im just super man mad right now. i want to kick and scream and throw a fit and break a bunch of ANYTHING and bite something really hard. and take the fat from my body and RIP IT OFFF.
and take some bitches head and BREAK IT ON A WOODEN CORNER.! yeah.
or kick her in the eye! or nose! and rip out her hair! and kick her repeatedly in the stomach! and whip her back until its all torn up and take her and drag her on her back down a dirt and gravel path. then flip her over and do the other side.
or cut all of a persons limbs off. and throw them in random places.
yesss.
PUSH THEIR FRONT TEETH TO THEIR NOSE.
break them off and break the nose. haaah!
oh kay.. the rant is done

i officially hate guys that live in wisconsin. they're all just DUMB.

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 04:44:04 GMT

WHOOPIE! ANgie has her license and sammy and libby might.. date? thats so cute.
i would love it forever.

anyways, back to reality.
so what am i doing tomarrow again? oh yeah 100 different things. hopefully my parents can let me use the gas card. i'll be out soon and i dont have lots of money from my paycheck.

mom said she'd makea proposition with me, if i get no D's or F's on my mid nine she will pay for my senior ball dress and tickets..
yeah. now she wants to talk to me about it once i dont go.
now.. to talk to scott or not talk to scott.. that is the question.
i wanna go with him still! BASTARDS!
mehh.. speaking of. i saw Brady today.
being a brady-master.
he was at sam goody with someone else. apparently he hasnt seen much of scott lately.. *ponders, where could he BE? phhst! prolly dating alicia again! WOOT*
ever so optimistic me. sam says i should give it a whirl. just so i have a date who i would want to go with.
i guess so..

i dont want to think about him anymore. makes me sick to my stomach.
whatev.

i dont know whats going on tomarrow anymore!
SUPERSONIC!

oh well i guess

Blueberry yum yum

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 04:01:58 GMT

weee

all of these kids are so cute. makes me smile.
jesus i cant wait until i am skinny!

i am so excited!

i smoked with libby today after we worked out. best. ever.
whoaaaaa b oy! i am soo slaphappy!

and people are talking to me about getting me some rolls this weekend! and some ACID soon! I AM SO EXCITEDDDDD!

whoop whoop! i think i could go jump around!

and i am going to go to michigan!
when i am teh skinny sec(x)hs
and better hair. and uh. face.
yeah

whoopwhoopwhoop

enough of this crazyface.
you silly goose.

OOOOHHHHH SHIIIIIAAAT!
sweet an' sour pork.
i want to sit by libby and casey steinke in business law. they have FUN.

FFFFFF-uck da wife!

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 05:21:02 GMT

angie got home from me-x-co!
WHOOOPIEE!!!

im such a bipolar LOSER.
i was so crappy this morning, and i didnt want to go to work at all. and i didnt want to do anything just sit and cry because i GAVE UP!

yeah. ive put my $0.99 in for FAR too long in this. fuck that.
i decided this on saturday afternoon when i just wanted to punch scott in the face. ive never felt ANGRY or MAD at him like this. if he wants to talk to me. he knows where he can find me.
jackass.

so guess what else. im not going to senior ball anymore. yep. fuck that shit too. i have too many things to pay for, and i dont have money and i dont want to have to try to converse with him for a long.. long time. and i dont want to go with anyone else, because i dont find anyone else fuckable, and yet very comfortable with.
if i see him at summerfest. thats fine. hey cool. maybe we should chill sometime. eh. THATS IT. but im not going to make any efforts to have contact with him until he makes MANY efforts to contact ME.
bitches! I DO WHAT I WANT!

and i want slipknot to come back to the rave sooon. or just someone interesting so i can get prettied up. and get drunk and/or messed up like at manson (just not wearing a friggin dress) maybe i'll wear like, big pants and a black zip up or something. simple. hott. yet drunk.
hah!

whooopie! work made me happy. adam proposed to me tooday! lmao. i was talking to all the guys about how i will never get married/have kids. and they looked at me in astonishment and said *YOU are the ONLY girl who doesnt want to get married.* i told them there are others out there. we just HIDE!

piercing party on FRIDAY! i dont want to work on saturday eaither. 3:30 to 10. SICK.

THE CLUB KIDS ARE COMMING TO MILWAUKEE!
so i need to find a fake id. who has an id for me. LMAO
i am excited.
i.must.go.

Just shake that Ass BitcH and Lemme See whatcha GOT

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 04:10:13 GMT

milk and cereal MILK AND CEREAL!
cereal and milK! cereal and MILK!

work was FUN today! aww. tiring but fun. AND i got my car back =)

not much to say besides i feeel happy. overjoyed maybe.

im going to try to get people together, to get pierced. so erica can have moooney.
and perhaps i can squeeze in a time to get my belly button done. WHOOPIE.

lets all go to the RODEO!

but despite my happyness now, i will soon feel the WRATH of being single on valentines day.. once again.
v_______v
lethargic.. once again.

stupid school how i hate you!
I BE DRINKIN THE HATERAIDE ON THAT BITCH!

meh.
makes me VOMIT!
i dont mind creative writing. its.. interesting.
and i.heart.chior.
lunch is stupid but it could be much worse.
but Econ and Business Law.. the teachers are FRIENDS and they make me want to PUNCH THEM!
they talk to me like im.. retarded.
or just.. WHY dont you do your WORK you little BEAST.
mrs. statza can LICK MAH ASS. and mrs.. H.. i dont know her name.. can stop being a stupid teacher.
shes a nice lady.. when shes NOT teaching.
but she cant teach worth SHIT.

this senior ball shit. makes me CRAZY! i gots to get some friggin MONEY for my dress! and HAIR COLOR! and TICKETS! and uh.. the hotel! and limo! and dinner! and ACCESSORIES! and DRUGS!
MEH. i HATES this!

i better get that X soon. like 2 weeks TOPS to sell some. or just to get it.. so i have it.
mehh i want to shroom this weekend. but this alex guy is trying to sell me an 8th for $45. uh. hell no.

i get what i WANT!
fo CHEAPER!
hoes!

i want to go DANCE! like a crazy MAAAANIAC!

lmao. at work james strauss and i sat in guest service hiding and eating chocolate. the kid has a bigger chocolate obsession than a girl would.
and. i talked him into changing our work names to cinderella and frankenstein
of course i have to be frankenstein
good thing too cause he only would do it if he was cinderella.
and CJ is now CHA-HABA
like, CHA in CHA-BAH-TAH
and HA- like haha and BA like BAH!
heeh

WOW im a lOser.
im going to takea shower, and pretend like i did not just talk about making new names with people at work.
and then call samantha.
and say Hello Baby
i dont want to make sex.
eat chocolate
look at animals.
no.
i just want BANG BANG BANG!

who says an ant cant, move a rubber tree plant?

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 05:32:30 GMT

as;lfjalkdjf!

odd monday it has been.
school. closet classics (where i was dumb enough to spend money on another wig which is NON returnable) webbs and home

i talked to scott today! and it wasnt weird. it makes me so----->o happy to acctually hear him talk to me. when i got off the phone with him i wanted to cry. 1) because i miss him alot. and 2) because i didnt know when i would talk to him again next.
guys are so different and weird its CRAZY.

ive encountered 4 different guys today.
1) LUNCH- lets see, nate and this sophmore alex. now nate and alex are very open flirty guys. but they will tell you right off the bat that they like you. or they find you attractive. no beating around the bush for them they are blunt, and sometimes i like them that way. out in the open. straight forward. but they make up for their sometimes unwanted bluntness with being a pervert. the flattering pervert

2) CLOSET CLASSICS- now mike was working today. and he looks so much differnt than he does when he was working at lids in brookfield sq. this is the type of shy guy who wont come out and tell you he likes you but you can tell he's attracted to you by the way he stares and looks longingly into your face. usually you can get money and big favors out of them easily. the easy target

3) WEBBS- brandon harris. now ive gone over this before and ive learned from hardship that you cannot show him that he's getting anywhere with you. he likes the challenge. never comes on too strong, but he does come.. on. he likes the innocent flirting but doesnt want to know he's gotcha. so you play hard to get with them. you never give in, and you always ALWAYS flirt with someone else, as well. the playboy

4) ONLINE- so this guy, who happends to be my hippie, is something else. he is a piece of WORK. very attractive, but is just FUCKED up. takes everything the wrong way, stubborn, talks down to you and doesnt care, but then out of nowhere he decides totell you abot his long time love for you and how you would be the perfect girl for him or something. and then goes on about how you lost that chance and how nothings good between you anymore.
one of thoes fighters. who fight with you alot and YOU have to say YOUR sorry for BULLSHIT and then you do that cuddle thing and he'll tell you how badly he's hurt or how much shit he's taken.
2 different kinds of guys for him. hes the fighter, and the poor baby.

why cant i find a guy whos friggin NORMAL. oh. and one who doesnt swear all the time.

sheesh.

or who freaks out if i cant get the drugs. or get to that party.
motherfuckas!

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 20:34:21 GMT

[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
[02] I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
[05] Put this in your journal!

well that should be fun ^

meh.

the game of LIFE

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 04:14:34 GMT

what a day what a day. what a week for that matter.

meh. i cant wait for tomarrow. hopefully kate and i will do something fun. and fancy free. and with other people. =) yes. lots of people+brandi=fun-no thinking time.

i just feel a twinge of jealousy towards sam cause she gets to go back to motel 6 tomarrow night with stacey and i cant. cause i have no one i would want to go with.
well i do. but he dumped me.
lmao.
and STILL NO EMAIL.. fine.
i think it might just be a cover up. it was something to get me out of his house. to make me leave and so he can just SAY he still cares and yeah. thats it.
wow i sound like an obsessive girl.

maybe cause i AM an obsessive girl.

well anyways, on to today. which was..odd.
ok. hmm well susan and i were supposed to skittle today. and we did.
well she did and i almost friggin DIED!
i took 10 dayquill liqui-gel caps. thinking it wouldnt be enough.
im sucha DUMBASS.
i started to feel it after 8, but decided that 10 would be good. and then driving to school i was screaming at the top of my lungs. (i dont know why) and freaking out kinda. and then when i got to 1st hour, i lost my head.
my head was going crazy. i couldnt see. i couldnt keep it up. and then i felt SICK. like WAY sick.
i closed my eyes for a minuet and looked up and everyone's faces were gone. it was just a blur of skin and muffled voices. i couldnt understand ANYTHING that was going on or being said. writing was SHIT. i couldnt deal with it. and the classroom began to float around and move about thats when i KNEW i was going to puke.
telling myself that i was oging to vomit didnt make it any better. so i finally got up and said im going to puke and ran out of the room.
i dont remeber going down the hallway or anything but getting into the bathroom i opend up the big poty stall and didnt make it to the toilet.
i puked all over the floor and some in the toilet and on the toilet and YUCK. it reaked of ORANGE JUICE (what i happend to swallow all thoes kills with) and there were still some half dissolved dayquill in there.
i dont remember what happend after that. but apparently kristen stowe found me laying on the floor of the bathroom and freaked and helped my skittiling ass together.
she was like WHAT ARE YOU ON.
and i was like skittles. im DEXATRIPPING. and she was like AHH.
and i explained how i cant go to the nurse. cause they will notice my delusional look upon my face and how i cant respond to anything. and how i am a freak. and they will see the half dissolved pills in the puke and say AH she was DOIN THE DRUGS AGAIN.
cops are called.
brandi is grounded forever and ever.
and i would have to get new friends.
new clothes. new eveyrthing. new life.
again.
but thank god kristen didnt take me to the nurse!
hah i went back to class feeling a BIT better. like i could listen. but i couldnt respond. and people had facial fetures back. i went to 2nd hr and the guys totally knew something was wrong cause i wouldnt move. and i wrote a song about the back of larry's neck. and everything else that came to mind at the time.
mostly the moles on his neck tho.
and i went to chior and fell off the risers. and passed out in lunch and havent eaten since.. yesturday

and i went home in a bad mood and i went to work in a bad mood but everyone at work puts me in a good mood. so now i am in a good mood.
kinda.

i miss scoot. aloot.
heeeh.
oh well. i'll wait for him to call ME to hang out. if i ever come to his mind. ever..
-________________-

i might just cry.
maybe.
v___________________v

yeah i can feel it comming. soon.
i neeeeed to listen toooo some marilyn manson. and haves me a cigarette.

i want to know if its real or not.

Use YouR imaGinaTion

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 05:32:45 GMT

well. oddly enough i havent yet really cried.

like, i went to work. like nothing had happend.
and to some extent, i kinda feel better.. because i dont have to be in the dark anymore. i dont have to be lied to? (for lack of a better statement)

and i will miss him. very very much.
i had alot of fun with him when i was with him. and i feel like i love him moreso than ive ever loved anyone else.
but its over now? well not permantently.
shit i dont want to jynx myself.
=X i never said anything.

yeah. i didnt like having a part time boyfriend. if i was going to have one i would want him to be full time. lmao.
the distance wasnt a problem, well to me it really wasnt becasue i saw him alot more often then i thought i would ever see him. but it was much more difficult having him 20-35 min away and he couldnt drive and i had to start paying for gas and lieing every weekend on where i was going and getting an ulser for hoping i wouldnt get caught and hoping i wouldnt see his ex.

wow on to her now.
all i have to say is hey, hes free now.
but i hope she doesnt think she's won the battle (yet again for lack of a better statement) because its not over yet little missy!
its just my army has gone into military retreat.. i guess.

so come down, get off your fucking cross. we need the fucking space to nail the next fool martyr.

he never wanted a relationship with me. really! i cant believe it i tried to make it 100% clear that i didnt want to pressure him into anything and didnt want to force him to be with me.
my ultimatum must have intimidated him. =/
cause he brought it up to me.

OH and i WAS supposed to get an email tonight on exactly *what he felt* and i should check my email when i get home from work.
oh guess what. unsurprised as usual, i didnt get an email. well what can you expect from only a part time boyfriend, who has turned ex boyfriend. i'll give it tomarrow, and if i dont get one tommarrow, i will CALL and say BITCH WRITE ME THAT EMAIL so i can determine if your reshop, salvageable or defective.

hmm. but if he fucks any of the hartford hoes, he is totally DIRRRRTY. that will be the end of it, EW no more-DONE. like OH SICK. you fuck your FRIENDS.
I would totally print out a DEFECTIVE sticker with SEND TO MANUFACTURER on his forehead. i could then get a letter of apologies, $3.00 coupon to something and he wouldnt be comming back around these parts. lmao.
ive been at target for TOO LONG.

wooooooh boy what a day WHAT A DAY. stupid school! i hate it!
creative writing should be.. creative..
econ should be.. stupid.
lunch is just.. WHY.
and business law is like.. **burnt out. cannot compute**
heeeh. exciting EH?
and i miss me my sammi pants.
*cries* I CANT REGULATE WITHOUT HER HERE!
mother of HELL.

a groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. otherwise i can't go on.
Draining patience. drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But i'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. and i'm still right
Here.
I'm gonna wait it out
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path i've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along this tedious path i've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
I still may. and i still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this

And i would Walk 1000 miles if i could just see You tonight

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 09:11:40 GMT

i hate this house. i hate this life sometimes.

but as of right now. this very second, i want to go DIE.

all day, i have felt the stress, and anguish of HERE.
no car. no anything.

feburary 4th needs to come sooner.

i had so much to say over the day.

but now all i want to do is sing some MSI to scooot. pussy all night?
its so awesome that you came here. i want to give you some drugs and i hope that you like them baby. cause they aint no lightweights.

living deliriously. i dont want to admit to myself that stupid shit will come with this.

im watching thirteen right now. and its the end of the movie. which should conclude my entry. on how im a loser.
hmm and i'll call scott tomarrow. and he will tell me eaither 1)how hes sorry he didnt call me back or 2) act like he doesnt care. at all.